Ok so its not you, its me.
No but seriously it’s you, you really need to fix that fungal infection it growled at me yesterday.
Thats besides the point. We need to talk.
When we started this whole
relationship Blog thing i was so young. It was almost 10 months ago and I’ve learnt so many things since then. Like how to accurately use a full stop and. also that bananas are actually a vegetable. Thats just insane.
Here is a lovely song written by apparent Grammy award winning artist Susan Salidor to express my apologies. (**NOTE** ‘Grammys’ are awards Susans Grandmother would give out for cutest grandchild, not the highly prestigious musical award)
Wow such deeply intense lyrics. “I’m sorry i did, that thing that i did, that made you mad” Touching.
But look. The harsh reality is that i can’t withhold a relationship for longer than 3 months. My first lot of blog posts were… Substantial. And i felt bad every time My url WhichMitch.com came up on websites such as Bestbloggers.com and omgthisboggerishilarious.org and handsomewriters.co.uk. **NOTE** (None of those websites made any such quotes nor do they exist) I mean i couldn’t even keep my relationship with Cher stable, so how did i think i could sustain a blog!? To my defense Cher was actually insane and did try to kill me 7 times.
I felt guilty that i had this brilliant Blog page that was just waisting away so i decided to rent my domain out to this lovely group of middle eastern men. They were very serious and they went by the name ISIS. Hilarious guys, they kept joking that they wanted to ‘create a new world order” and “eradicate all western policies” Haha, oh they were funny.
The truth is that i have commitment issues. There. I said it. WOW Ha, that was easier than i thought. I may as well get some other things off my chest while I’m at it.
One time i ate some dry cat food and told my friends it was gross but i actually enjoyed it.
I sold a fake pair of Dr Dre earphones on ebay and pretended they were real. The bidding finished at $12.04 so i really cashed in.
I have underwear that have the days of the week written on them and sometimes i wear the wrong days.
I once farted at the checkout at Coles and blamed it on a small child and the mother scolded their smelly infant. I then requested her flybys card.
Well that wasn’t too bad.. Now i have a clear conscience. But i still feel bad…
OK. The only way to win back over an audience (and i know what you’re thinking “mitchell is really attractive” and yes you’re right, i am. But i also know that you’re thinking “does he even have an audience” AND YES I DO! As a matter of fact i have 12 viewers a month from the United Arab Emirates and they send me fan mail. Whilst it may be sand in a bottle and a burqa, i do not mind. And i also know that you’re thinking ‘this is the longest bracketed sentence ever’ And you’re correct Its super long.) is to offer then gifts. So please email your banking details including your house address, all security codes, potential spare key locations and your favourite member of the spice girls, to this address and i will send you a sorry gift for being absent on my blog for so long.
Well I guess thats my part done. I really do love writing these and i love it when you guys give me feedback, so i won’t commit to a set day these will be written, but i will promise that i will try and write them on a Decadely basis. Meaning every 10 years.
Speak to you soon,