Category Archives: Life

Commitment Issues

Ok so its not you, its me.

 

c836e569db0e175efc179ac9f75dc33a2a31b35dfae8b86ed57ca4ca32077e3cNo but seriously it’s you, you really need to fix that fungal infection it growled at me yesterday.

Thats besides the point. We need to talk.

When we started this whole relationship Blog thing i was so young. It was almost 10 months ago and I’ve learnt so many things since then. Like how to accurately use a full stop and. also that bananas are actually a vegetable. Thats just insane.

Here is a lovely song written by apparent Grammy award winning artist Susan Salidor to express my apologies. (**NOTE** ‘Grammys’ are awards Susans Grandmother would give out for cutest grandchild, not the highly prestigious musical award)

Wow such deeply intense lyrics. “I’m sorry i did, that thing that i did, that made you mad” Touching.

But look. The harsh reality is that i can’t withhold a relationship for longer than 3 months. My first lot of blog posts were… Substantial. And i felt bad every time My url WhichMitch.com came up on websites such as Bestbloggers.com and omgthisboggerishilarious.org and handsomewriters.co.uk. **NOTE** (None of those websites made any such quotes nor do they exist) I mean i couldn’t even keep my relationship with Cher stable, so how did i think i could sustain a blog!? To my defense Cher was actually insane and did try to kill me 7 times.

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I felt guilty that i had this brilliant Blog page that was just waisting away so i decided to rent my domain out to this lovely group of middle eastern men. They were very serious and they went by the name ISIS. Hilarious guys, they kept joking that they wanted to ‘create a new world order” and “eradicate all western policies” Haha, oh they were funny.

The truth is that i have commitment issues. There. I said it. WOW Ha, that was easier than i thought. I may as well get some other things off my chest while I’m at it.

One time i ate some dry cat food and told my friends it was gross but i actually enjoyed it.

I sold a fake pair of Dr Dre earphones on ebay and pretended they were real. The bidding finished at $12.04 so i really cashed in.

I have underwear that have the days of the week written on them and sometimes i wear the wrong days.

I once farted at the checkout at Coles and blamed it on a small child and the mother scolded their smelly infant. I then requested her flybys card.

Well that wasn’t too bad.. Now i have a clear conscience. But i still feel bad…

OK. The only way to win back over an audience (and i know what you’re thinking “mitchell is really attractive” and yes you’re right, i am. But i also know that you’re thinking “does he even have an audience” AND YES I DO! As a matter of fact i have 12 viewers a month from the United Arab Emirates and they send me fan mail. Whilst it may be sand in a bottle and a burqa, i do not mind. And i also know that you’re thinking ‘this is the longest bracketed sentence ever’ And you’re correct Its super long.) is to offer then gifts. So please email your banking details including your house address, all security codes, potential spare key locations and your favourite member of the spice girls, to this address and i will send you a sorry gift for being absent on my blog for so long.

Thisistheadresstosendyourdetailstomitchellbecausehewantstosaysorryfornotwritingblogpostsinagesandyesthisisthelongesturlonearthlolwoooooonowimjustadingwordstobeannoyingpineapplecumquatjurassic@yahoomail.com.au

Well I guess thats my part done. I really do love writing these and i love it when you guys give me feedback, so i won’t commit to a set day these will be written, but i will promise that i will try and write them on a Decadely basis. Meaning every 10 years.

Speak to you soon,

MC

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The secret diary of a Uni student

In  the words of Albert Einstein;

“thou who finishes thy first week at university will be forever prosperous”

 

 

“And handsome.”

 

Wow. That was one of those quotes that not many people have seen. Albert was also pretty drunk when he said it. Classic Albert.

Anyway… I have actually completed my first week at University! its not like i expected to not make it or anything, but I’m always that one person that trips and has to have the next 6 weeks off with a broken ankle (That actually happened in Year 9, i was walking across a room and fell and broke my ankle. walking…. just to reiterate, i was walking.) And then return to find everyone has become best friends and suddenly have matching tattoos that say “BFF’s 4 Eva” … Sorry, must be some pent up emotion, my best friend did the whole tattoo thing when i left for a week in year 2. 

BUT i did learn many valuable things in my first 5 days at UOW, and i will write them for you all in point form because it will make this post look more professional and i hear thats what Obama does. well thats what Bush tells me.

So things i have learnt include…

  1. Mature aged students are the equivalent of that English kid that comes to your school in year 9. And i mean that with the highest of compliments. Those damn english boys pulled all the girls. *Note* Mature aged students can’t pull chicks because technically thats illegal. 

  2. The uni is a big place, so getting lost is actually easy. To put it in perspective I had a lecture at 9am on tuesday and found it at 10am the following month… Just imagine Hogwarts without all the witches and spells and 3 headed dogs and stuff… And the castles..and evil noseless demons sucking out your souls … OK uni is nothing like Hogwarts but you got my drift.. 

  3. That Deciding what to wear every day is harder than the workload. Its like bloodey Paris fashion week. I saw one girl, no word of a lie, she was wearing a full leather body suit. She looked like Tomb Raider. Turns out she was just an exchange student…. Gotta love those foreigners. 

  4. That getting a coffee before your lecture is compulsory. I walked into one the other day and was told to leave and not to return without a “Skim Soy flat white, no sugar and takeaway” 

And finally..

      5.  The scariest thing about uni isn’t the lectures, or the classes, not even the wild ducks that wonder the grounds of the campus but Its simply…. Parking. The parking on campus is more competitive that a law degree. Theres P1, P2, P3. P4, not to mention the Permit holders area.. OH did i mention the stacker carpark? That only requires a small fee of $13 for 4 hours. Stop complaining and just catch the train you say? oh.. you didn’t say anything? sorry… I’m jumping to conclusions again. 

 

So with one week down, and only 4.5 years to go, i can safely say i have experienced all Uni has to offer. Ive enjoyed the ride so far and am loving my course at the moment. For a brief moment i did I think about transferring and picking up astronomy, but I knew I would just be taking up space. Get it? i felt like i needed an astronomy joke in this post, i had so many complaints in my fan mail last week about the lack of astronomy jokes in my last post…

 

I had no complaints…

 

I also had no fan mail…

 

But feel free to send me fan mail to my email address: Cheesecakeandallotherbakedgoodsandoccasionallysomestylesofpannacotta@outlook.com

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(Me and some of my new friends i bought.‘Made’.. Also, I’m the one in the sunglasses to make it easier for you to recognise me.)

MC

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I met Oscar!

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So the Academy Awards were held on Monday and I can honestly say that these were my favorite yet. I watch them every year and I think the reason I loved them so much was purely due to the fact that Ellen Degeneres was hosting them. She is just so good. Too good…

My dream (and I mean dream. This is a very ambitious goal) is to one day host the Oscars.

Now the reality of the situation is i will Probably*  never host the oscars. But I have a cousin named Oscar who i could get to throw a party that i could talk at. I guess that will do…

SO what I have done this year to appease my dream for a little while is make myself think I was at the oscars, through the power of poorly done photoshop. People have always said how much I resemble Bradley cooper..

MC

*By probably i mean, there is a 1 in 7 0000 000 chance i will host them. The odds are in my favour!